Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
