I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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