But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
