"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
