There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize