Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
