he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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