it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
