so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize