i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
