Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I need a beard to bite.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
