Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
