She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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