Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
