One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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