sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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