um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
