is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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