you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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