I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
