I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
