So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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