Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
