What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
