I wanna bring you to show and tell
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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