last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
