i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
