By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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