dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
