Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
