Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
