Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
