I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
