you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
