It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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