Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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