In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
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