You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
