I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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