Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
