She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
