That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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