I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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