i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
