i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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