Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
