I must be too annoying 4 u.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Randomize
