I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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