If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
