We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You're my little dorito
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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