The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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