D3 body, D1 cock
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
