i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Mom said you looked used
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
