bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
