my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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