This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
