so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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