You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
