idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
this boner is exhausting
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
