But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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