i just wanna soil my oats bro
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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