How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
