I woke up to her vacumming the grass
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
