i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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