Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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