I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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