dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
